“Grief is the cost of loving someone,” notes neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD. I’ve been reading Dr. O’Connor’s book The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss. As a psychotherapist, one of the more difficult types of conditions to treat is grief, largely because people have high expectations about how long and how much we should grieve the loss of a loved one. “Make me feel better,” the client says. “Grief is personal and everyone grieves differently,” is my response.
Notes Dr. O’Connor: “A key problem in grief is that there is a mismatch between the virtual map we always use to find our loved ones and the reality, after they die, that they can no longer be found in the dimensions of space and time. The unlikely situation that they are not on the map at all, the alarm and confusion that this causes, is one reason that grief overwhelms us.”
Equine-assisted psychotherapy (EAP) can be a powerful tool for individuals who are grieving. The therapeutic process involves working with horses under the guidance of a trained mental health professional, and it offers a unique, non-verbal approach to healing from loss. Here’s how it helps those who are grieving:
1.Emotional Expression and Connection
Grieving individuals often have difficulty expressing complex emotions. Horses, being highly intuitive and responsive to human emotions, create an environment where clients can express and process feelings that may be difficult to articulate. Through the interaction with horses, people can confront their grief in a safe, nonjudgmental space. The horse’s natural behavior helps create a mirror for the person’s emotions, encouraging them to be more aware of and open with their feelings.
2. Non-Verbal Communication
Horses respond to body language and energy, which is especially helpful for those who are struggling to verbalize their emotions. Grief often silences people, and the non-verbal nature of EAP offers a way for individuals to process their grief without needing to talk directly about the loss. The subtle interactions with the horse help them to understand their own emotions and reactions, facilitating healing without the pressure to speak.
3. Sense of Presence and Mindfulness
Horses are very much in the moment, and their presence can encourage the grieving individual to be more present with their emotions. Mindfulness is often part of the process, helping people focus on the here and now instead of getting lost in painful memories or overwhelming future fears. This can offer a respite from the constant emotional fluctuations that can come with grief, helping individuals to reconnect with themselves in the moment.
4. Building Trust and Relationship
The process of building trust with a horse can mirror the rebuilding of trust in oneself and in others during grief. Horses are highly sensitive to their handler’s emotions, and when someone is grieving, they may feel disconnected or distrustful of their own emotions or others. Working with the horse provides a safe, controlled space to rebuild trust, which can eventually translate to improved trust in relationships and the ability to open up to others in their grief journey.
5. Encouraging Healthy Coping Skills
Grief can bring up overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. EAP often focuses on developing coping strategies that involve positive and healthy emotional processing. Working with the horse can help individuals practice grounding techniques, patience, and emotional regulation, which are essential for long-term grief recovery.
6. Physical Movement and Release
Sometimes, grief manifests physically in the body as tension, fatigue, or stress. Horses are large, active animals, and equine therapy can involve physical activities such as grooming or leading. These activities can promote relaxation, help release built-up tension, and give the body an opportunity to relax and restore balance, which is often a challenge during emotional distress.
7. Empowerment and Hope
The grieving process can leave people feeling powerless or as though they are stuck in their pain. The process of working with a horse and making progress in their interactions fosters a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. It provides a visual representation of the work they’re doing in their emotional healing, offering a sense of hope that they can overcome the challenges posed by grief.
8. Community and Support
While EAP often involves one-on-one work with the therapist and horse, some programs also offer group settings, where individuals can share their experiences and support each other. This creates a sense of community that can be particularly valuable for grieving individuals, who may feel isolated in their loss.
Conclusion
Equine-assisted psychotherapy can be a profound and healing experience for individuals navigating grief. It helps by creating a space for emotional expression, fostering trust, encouraging mindfulness, and offering tools for emotional regulation. The non-verbal, interactive nature of working with horses allows individuals to process their grief at their own pace, with a sense of safety and support that can be deeply restorative.
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